Damn but this world is one of heartache.

I’m not going to get into it because it’s not worth it to dredge up a terrible pain that took me days to vanquish.  Let’s suffice it say someone left me a scathing review on one of my FREE short stories that completely ripped my world in two.

Now, I’m searching for an editor.

Traditionally published authors have the resources behind them to perfect their work–three, four, five editors to go over each novel and make suggestions for tightening it up.  However, us little ole indies ain’t got that fancy pants nonsense over our shoulders (an editor would kill me for the previous sentence, btw).

Our books are priced WAY cheaper.  An editor who wants to charge me $300 is going to cost me 150 book sales on a 2.99 book to make back my investment and begin to profit.  I’m lucky to make twenty book sales a month on The Temple, given I don’t have a giveaway like last month’s iPad party turbo charging my sales.

So, let’s do some math. For the sake of easy math (because this writer is not mathematically minded) let’s say 25 sales a month.  Into 150 sales?  That’s 6 months to make back the $300 I’ll have to spend on The Temple.

Of course, the above is a LOW end of the spectrum quote.  Another quote I’ve received was $585–that’s almost one entire biweekly paycheck.  Or, an easier way to look at it is that’s about a little less than 40% of my entire monthly earnings.  I don’t even have that leftover after paying my monthly bills, so it’s not possible.

An author friend told me he can’t justify the expense of an editor.  As indies, we’re expected to price our books low.  Mine are 2.99–if I paid 600 bucks for an editor, I’d have to sell 300 books to earn that back.  For someone with their books priced at 99 cents, they have to sell 3 books to earn just a  DOLLAR.  Imagine the math on that one when trying to earn back the up-front costs one put into it.

I can’t justify the costs either.

It’s very disheartening.  This is my dream–my entire life revolves around my writing.  I want so badly to make my career at this that my heart ACHES every minute of every day.  When I’m not writing, I’m not happy.  It has consistently been proven to me that there is a huge correspondence between the amount of time I spend writing and my attitude.

But lately, after my lil ole 2 star,  I’m just not happy all the way around.

It’s funny how easy it is for one two sentence review to completely overturn my world.  Maybe twenty words and my heart is ripped into two pieces and flung to the far reaches of the universe.  Twenty words and I seriously question whether I’m cut out for this biz.  Do I suck?  Can I not tell a story?

For the span of about two days, I almost took down The Temple and Abigail.  I almost stopped writing completely.

Go ahead, tell me I’m irrational.  Remind me books are subjective.  Preach to me that even Stephen King gets 1 and 2 star reviews.

But that doesn’t change that fact that my work doesn’t have an editor because I can’t afford one.  So when someone mentions that in a review, it’s true.  Flat out.

All the big Indie Author Gurus repeat themselves over and over–have a good cover and get an editor or you’re never going to make it.

Well, I guess I’ll never make it.

Unfortunately, the outlook isn’t good for me to find an editor I can afford.